252. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Some people are like clouds. I am too lazy to be lazy. Today, I look at my goals. 80. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. 232. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 236. I dont care! What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Gary Delaney, 248. 166. 175. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Be careful when you follow the masses. Ensure that your actions match your words. 204. Not everyone has good taste., 3. I train my body. I'm doing great. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. But you can always be immature. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. 191. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. 177. A gummy bear. 128. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. 6. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 267. Honolulu, its got everything. 22. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. Socrates. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. 160. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. I honor that time. 49. Ive been doing nothing for years. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 154. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 2. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. 33. 140. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 2. And get over it. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. You wanna know who Im in love with? My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. "You have to be odd to be number one.". I dont suffer from insanity. 180. 194. 57. 117. 120. - Jack London. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 248. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. 173. It just plain forms. 87. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. 183. 88. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Why cant you trust an atom? Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. 160. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Good morning! My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 226. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. We need to hear a pin drop. 212. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. 241. 278. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. 1. Today I was a hero. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. The best things in life are free. Confidence makes me powerful. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. happy. 110. Not me, but somebody does. 61. "Disconnect to connect.". I tell you what always catches my eye. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. 151. 240. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. 67. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. 84. Learn sign language, its very handy. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. 99. Read the first word again. 32. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. I intend to live forever. Superwoman: single. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 101. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. 67. 29. 143. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 79. Enjoy! 155. Breasts dont have eyes. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 9. 184. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Frances McDormand, 42. Helen Giangregorio Life always offers you a second chance. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Nobody gets out alive anyway. I am calm, patient and at peace. 250. 227. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. 96. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. 253. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 25. 3. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. 3. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? 15. You wanna know who Im in love with? 26. Use this space for describing your block. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. My jokes do. 70. 192. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. Never let anyone waste your time twice. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Bill Murray, 260. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Im describing you. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. Its okay if people dont like me. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. 36. Bill Murray Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 94. Who cares about the future? Those who snore always fall asleep first. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. It has nothing new to tell you. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". And a funny bone. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. 119. Rome wasnt built in a day. Art doesnt transform. 230. There are endless opportunities. Steven Wright, 252. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. 269. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. 127. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. I stick to things until I get to my destination. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. - Roy T. Bennett. 101. 185. 177. 1. Swimming trunks. 1. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. God has never abandoned me. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 246. Not everyone has to like me. 158. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Why was six scared of seven? 3. Not me, but somebody does. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. Microchips. 3. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. Albert King 224. 70. 10. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. A wishbone. 63. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. Oh sheet!. Envelope. When life closes a door, just open it again. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 26. He who laughs last didnt get it. 17. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Cry a river. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. 138. Just like every Monday does on Earth. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. Cindy from Marzahn "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. 133. A mind is like a parachute. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. 100. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 46. 147. 274. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. 53. Leave me a if you agree! Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! 108. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 121. Why is England the wettest country? 4. We have a connection. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 1. 8. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. To thrive in life you need three bones. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. 131. 238. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. Jackie Collins, 240. 7. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. 92. I can always be fatter. Funny Daily Affirmations. 7. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Youre not tequila., 5. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 156. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 83. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. I overcome fears by following my dreams. 138. 235. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. 9. Charles M. Schulz. Lily Tomlin Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. 277. 194. Its called tomorrow. 5. It makes them so damned mad. I make the right choices every time. 65. 7. 268. 20. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Paul Ehrlich 19. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. 279. Everyone brings happiness to this office. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. How do astronomers organize a party? If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. 151. Ive been doing nothing for years. 103. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 89. Albert Einstein 74. 103. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. The library, because it has so many stories. 47. 40. Stop trying to make everyone happy. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 86. Ive got three bones. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. 2. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 3. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. 233. 215. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 131. 168. Be careful when you follow the masses. 21. Steve Martin 99. Edward A. Murphy. 272. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Sam Levenson. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Erma Bombeck. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Bill Murray. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. You were too lazy to read that number. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. 182. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. 239. They planet. Is it perfect? 170. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. We all need a little energy boost here and there. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. I make a difference by showing up fully. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. 13. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. I love living in my unique female body. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 25. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. 230. - Unkmown. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!.